THE ART OF THE QUESTION
intently and intentionally to the things said and unsaid will inevitably raise more questions. We can continue to be relational archaeologists, brushing away the dirt and debris to get to the “find.” We uncover more of how someone ticks, what has brought them to where they are now, and even why they may act or respond in certain life situations.
The Quest for Questions
Questions are the doorbells to relationship; ask the right ones, and someone might let you in. In almost every aspect of life, questions are present. They are everywhere. For instance,
- When you go to a job interview, you will receive questions.
- When you are learning a new subject in school, you will be quizzed with questions.
- On any job application, you will need to answer questions.
- If you go to court, you will be asked questions.
- When you walk into a restaurant, you are faced with questions.
- When you meet someone new, you will answer questions. Brian taught me so much about asking questions. When we offer an opinion on something without asking questions, we do not allow ourselves to gain more information, and we can easily misjudge and miscommunicate.
Whenever I first meet with someone, whether it is casual, ministry related, or the beginning of a coaching relationship, I have a list of questions I like to ask so I can get to know the person and their history. The very first questions I ask anyone I am sitting down with for the first time are:
“Where were you born?”
“How did you get to where you are right now?”
Usually, they are followed with a laugh, but with a straight face, I respond, “No, really. Tell me all you want about the time between your birth and where you are now. I may stop you during your story and ask more questions if that is okay?”
Most people settle in very quickly and begin their story. Inevitably, during the story, the person will make a statement such as, “Then I moved from Baltimore to California,” o r, “Then I went to the University of Colorado.” Making state- ments like these beg for another question. “Why did you move from Baltimore to California?” o r, “Why did you choose the University of Colorado?” These insights let you see into a window of their choices. What someone does is not as important as why they choose it. Where someone goes is not as important as why they choose to go there. You’re trying to get to the why behind things.